Cranky Bulletpoints

I’ve been in a slight mood tonight. Grunting and huffing and basically giving my best impression of a 15 year old. So, Earth, come with me as I list “Things That Are Irrationally Annoying Me (At The Moment)”.

Things That Are Irrationally Annoying Me (At The Moment)

• Twitter: Now, I know it’s kind of ridiculous to be annoyed by Twitter but the word “irrationally” is up there in the title so I’m just following orders. My own orders. So you click on a trending topic to find out why exactly people are talking about: for example, Ray Foley. But all you read are tweets from people wondering why Ray Foley is trending*. So they tweet his name and he trends more and more people start wondering why he’s trending and then suddenly you’ve lost yourself in the maze of “Load More Tweets” and you still haven’t found out why he’s trending but you may have contracted a slight case of RSI. I suppose this isn’t going to end until we stop letting stupid people use the internet but then who would provide the humour I seek at 2am when I can’t sleep?

 

• People who think that you need to wake up at 9am every morning even if you don’t have a job and really all you would be doing is looking listlessly out the window or slouching around the green areas of West Dublin, and probably getting arrested for looking suspicious: Look, I’m a night owl (makes me sound like a creep in a dodgy wine bar on Leeson Street with a shiny suit). I like to sleep until the morning is no more and then stay up until 3am online lost in a world of acronyms and photos of food. I’m hoping this lifestyle will be taken away from me sooner rather than later so let me enjoy my nerdom and laziness, goddamit. Let me sleep.

 

• Everyone on Tumblr who doesn’t just post pretty pictures or interesting links: Since about 25% of my brain still thinks I’m a teenager, I am ridiculously in love with Glee. (Which I will spend a whole other post whining about soon) Liking this show and therefore wanting to see what’s involved in the online fandom leads me to Tumblr. And because that site is mainly populated by teenage girls, there is a lot of capslock keyboard mashing, overinflated senses of importance and ridiculous cries for attention. I don’t need to see stupid fights between people who prefer Kurt with Blaine or Kurt with Sam or Kurt with me or Kurt marooned on a desert island with a volleyball. I don’t need to see ridiculous essays all hinging on a precarious theory that some freaking canary is the very essence of life and now that they killed him off, you must go cry in a dark room and refuse all human contact for a week. I don’t need to see the false modesty and strange flirting/flattery that goes on between tumblrererers (clearly don’t know the right word there). Also, stop saying it’s a blog. You’re just posting random gifs and stupid memes. It’s just a bigger version of Twitter. Come on, this is even barely a blog.

 

• My manicure: I know it’s a mini manicure and I know it only cost €22 and took 10 minutes but it’s already chipping and I’m feeling swizzed. Also, Manicurist totes took advantage of my confusion from just looking at the prices to getting my ass in that seat in like 30 seconds and sold me a ton of crap I probably didn’t need. I’m a salesperson’s dream. I shouldn’t be allowed shop by myself.

 

• The iPhone 4 battery: Why doesn’t it last longer, Steve Jobs? I thought you could invent an awesome battery that would only need to be charged once a week with your super powers. Why does it already go down a percent if I unlock it?

 

• The VIP Style Awards: Because this is not style. The word style shouldn’t be anywhere near 85%** of these people. Stop dressing in cheap satin, pseudo-celebs of Ireland, step out of the south city centre boutiques and get freaking creative. Jeez, I’m hardly the most fashionable of people myself and even I know that this looks like a debs ball about 15 years too late.

To counteract the middleaged griping in this here post, have something which just proves Twitter is one of the greatest online resources, even with the morons questioning trending topics. Context? Donald Glover is an actor, comedian and rapper/musician. He’s in Community, which is pretty damn funny if you haven’t already checked it out. He tweeted this about 4am New York time last Sunday morning.

Source: This epic ONTD post and this creative Livejournal user

* He was trending because he filmed someone’s tatas and put it on TV. I think. To be honest, I never really found out.

** 100% of the statistics quoted in this article, and this blog as a whole, are completely made up.

Some Direction Needed

When I started this blog, I think it’s quite clear I hadn’t got a a clue what to write about. Which is why it has languished in this dusty corner of the internet for a couple of years.

Now that I’m back in Dublin and searching for a job, I fear my brain turning to mush and my limbs tripling in size. So I have decided to just write. About anything I can think of.

I tried to Tumbl (is that the verb?) but my age is definitely working against me in that arena. It is amazing for finding photos and perhaps expanding on the trending topics on Twitter.

So bear with me as I try to find my identity and I do hope it’s at least interesting for me. Otherwise, I will turn to jellified mush.

Winter in July

I’m still in Melbourne. In a different house. In a hipster part of town. Ironic spectacles are a big deal around here.

I’m finding it difficult to process winter without the trade off of Christmas. You know how, back in the north, we put up with the cold, the rain, the wind of winter because we know some fat bearded dude in a red suit is gonna come round towards the end of December. We can party hard and get presents and wear copious amounts of glitter. And that makes the shite that comes beforehand bearable. Slightly.

I don’t know how these Aussies do it. Granted, the weather isn’t as awful as at home but it’s still dark, cold and rainy. And generally depressing. And there’s nothing to look forward to apart from the weather getting warmer. Which won’t happen until September. I’m getting myself through this time of hardship by planning my East Coast trip. Where I shall go sailing on the Whitsundays, hiking in the rainforest, white-water rafting….in a river, I suppose. All while cultivating a slightly less pale colour of skin.

I took a little stroll down to the city this afternoon with my camera. I’m in no way talented at taking photos, mind you.

Antipodean Adventures

Blogging is resuming – again. I’ve hauled ass south. Rather far south, actually. I’m in Melbourne, Australia right now, living the backpacking life.

There was a choice: sit around and look for crappy jobs in Dublin, or go be a bum/casual labourer in Australia? Well, I’ve just about had it to here with Dublin so Melbs it was.

Work isn’t exactly forthcoming at the moment. I had a meeting with a temp agency yesterday morning and I’m using all my positive thinking to magic up a job for myself. So while I wait for the employment fairy to visit me, I’ve been exploring this gorgeous city, making some new friends and reconnecting with some old ones.

We went to a festival a couple of weekends ago – Golden Plains. Amazing music, food and people. Weather? Not so much. One emergency welly boot purchase later, I was happy as the proverbial Larry. It was a weekend of freak weather and storms in the Melbourne area and it was the one weekend I was camping. Karma, why do you love to kick me in the ass?

Gaffwise, I’m living in an awesome shared house (see me with my liberal use of the word “awesome”? I’m assimilating myself) in St Kilda, a trendy, seaside neighbourhood to the southeast of Melbourne city centre. There’s a grand beach 5 mins walk down the street and some amazing sunsets against which you can ponder your deepest thoughts.

St Kilda Pier, Melbourne

Melbourne seems to be the Extra Curricular capital of the world. There is always something to do in this city. This week, for example, both the Melbourne Comedy Festival and the Australian Grand Prix are starting. We’ve got a couple of posses checking out both events – sure you’d be a fool to let the Grand Prix happen ten minutes from your house and not go.

A favourite place of mine in Melbourne so far is the Queen Victoria Market: a gorgeous food market on every day (except Wednesday, as I found out this morning) selling every kind of edible delight imaginable.

Queen Victoria Market, Elizabeth Street, Melbourne

I also checked out an amazing cafe for lunch yesterday in Abbotsford. It’s called Lentil As Anything, and the idea behind it is pretty cool.

Lentil as Anythingis  a unique vegetarian restaurant that is run as a hot-for-profit community organisation
and largely staffed by volunteers. Our philosophy is to allow the customer to decide
what they want to pay for thier food and drinks. You decide the worth of the food, the
experience, and the philosophy then upon leaving put an anonymous donation into the
box on the counter.

Having a quick sconce around their website does give hints of financial trouble and some bad feeling about a documentary made about the organisation. But I can say the food is gorgeous! And amazing Iced Chai.

Until next time, when hopefully I shall have fantastic tales from the Grand Prix.

Best Laid Plans

I know, I know. I said I’d have a new post up at least every second day and that was — what, four days ago?

Well here’s one!

I’m listening to Zane Lowe on BBC Radio 1. I do love this radio station. Turning me onto a tonnage of new music. And I’ve put aside Mr Lowe’s blatant arselicking of every band he ever interviews and appreciated his fine visage and voice.

In a quest to quell the boredom of unemployment, I took myself to Dublin Castle last week. A good €4.50 spent and provided shelter from the rain. (That horrible rain that did nothing to get rid of the ridiculous humidity that day) A tour of the state apartments in the Castle and the medieval ruins were the catalyst to get me interested in training to be a tour guide. I’ve located a course in FÁS that doesn’t start until November but sounds so interesting. Chalking that one down on my “Potential Life Career Paths”. I’ve always wanted to regale buses of American tourists with my witty repartee and insightful comments.

I also made a Hair Choice and got myself a Bob. I saved some photos of Alexa Chung on my iPod and the hairstylist was quite awesome at adapting her hairstyle to my hair and making me look fab, if I do say so myself. I’m quite a low maintenance kinda gal so once I can shower, comb through and run, I’m happy. And it looks quite fantastic.

Oxegen this weekend and I found some wellies under the stairs. They’ve been with me since Witnness 2002 and are still spanky new!

Resolutions

1. A new blog post every day, if not every second day. About what? Not quite sure but hopefully it will play out over time.

2. Wii Fit my ass so I don’t have a Wii Age of 40. Yes, that’s 15 years older than I actually am.

3. Figure out what I want to do with myself in this big, twirling ball of blue and green.

These resolutions have been spurred on by my entry into the Unemployment Crisis (that’s what the kids are calling it these days). I’ve spent, what is it now, 3 years moaning about hating whatever job I’m doing at the minute and lamenting my lack of (figurative) balls in applying for writing assignments. I fear rejection. I fear it like I fear cigarette lighters, getting my fingers trapped in the door and being buried alive.

These are all legitimate fears.

I need to man up (again, figuratively) and put those 4 years of college to some use. Writing must become better. I must find a niche, a thing to write about. Or I could just go with the twirling ball of blue and green. That’s pretty all encompasing.

Today I will bring you happy news that I have taken as a sign of Good Things To Come. After submitting my claim for Jobseekers Allowance/Benefit/Wonga, I pootled across to my local New Look and had a gander at the shoes. New Look shoes are fabulous, people. If you have not yet visited the insanity that is the Liffey Valley New Look, you need to. Electric neon yellow plastic shelves that curl around the store for miles full of feet treats.

I spotted these treasures and was fully prepared to pay the €45 on the price tag. We dubbed them my “Fuck You, I Don’t Need Your Job” shoes.

I’m thinking paired with some skinny jeans, loose vest top, black blazer these will look stupendous on Friday night, as I drink myself into merriment.

The catch and Sign of Good Things To Come? They were reduced to €15. It was meant to be.

I also picked up some pretty awesome neon pink nail polish for €4 from Stargazer. I’m liking it so far. It probably will chip to bits but I’m test running it before Oxegen next weekend.

Still have not bought those wellies yet. On my To Do list.

Also am planning to go on Sunday too now that I have no reason to wake up early on a Monday and can be completely hungover. That’s if I’m not kidnapped seduced friends with the Kings of Leon and headed off on their tour bus to the festivals of Europe.

Next post: things to keep me entertained during my time on The Dole. Galleries and museums of Dublin, you have been warned.

Go shorty, it’s your birthday

Thank you 50 cent for giving me a “down with the kids” title for my post.

It is not my birthday today. Not until next week. But this post is going to be my wishlist of sorts. I am embracing my stampy-foot, spoilt brat 5 year old. I want it now, now, now!

I do know I’m getting one thing on the list – the Wayfarers. My darling other half has agreed to buy them for me. I’m still deciding between colours. Should I go for standard black and work the rocky, Kate Moss festivaly look for the summer?

Or the tortoiseshell ones? I don’t know what look would work with these – probably the same Kate Moss, festivaly look but maybe slightly more safari-inspired.

Brown Thomas in Dublin stocks both “black and brown” (I’m assuming “brown” means tortoiseshell) for €160. I’m leaning towards the black.

A seriously versatile pair of gladiator sandals are next on my list. Once again, I’m debating over colour. I think I may go for a nice black or brown leather-esque pair. I already have a bunch of metallic sandals already. However, Whisty’s gold pair from Claires Accessories are seriously covetable.

Draped jersey tops, skirts, dresses and leggings are going to become my summer wardrobe. The sun had better keep up his end of the deal and stay in the sky. I’m wearing jeans today for the first time in about a week and I feel rather unseasonal. And also kind of Midwestern Mom-like.

Finally, a good haircut and some more hair dye. I’ve abandoned my blonde highlighted look and gone back to my natural colour of….brown. Wow, the name evokes so much passionate imagery. It’s cheaper this way and I don’t waste 3 hours of my life pretending to not be uncomfortable in Peter Mark every 2 months. I’ve been using the Clairol Perfect 10, which is fine and quick and looks lovely but is not permanent. Lies. I dyed mine in April and not even 2 months later my old highlights are quite visible. I want to look like Cheryl Cole, goddamit. Why won’t you let me?!

I want to bring plaits back into my repetoire. Rather than just tying my hair back in a bun, or leaving it down when I’ve bothered to GHD it. Lauren Conrad is my inspiration for this. Her hair is all kinds of awesome.

Love this dress too. Oh, LC, you are my fashion icon. (Dress by Pogah Couture. Shoes by Sergio Rossi. Jewelry by Levian. Bag by Kara Ross.)

Casual, chill at an airport.

Two braids. Looking like the cat that got Brody Jenner.

On a complete tangent, I’m freaking stoked Kristin Cavillari is joining Season 6 of The Hills. To use a favoured internet acronym of mine, she is the HBIC.

Breaking News: Ladurée available in Dublin

I suspect they read my first post and answered the pleas of a macaroon obsessed girl.

Ladurée macaroons are now available in Brown Thomas, Grafton Street, Dublin 2. The cute cart stand is located to the left of the door when you’re entering into the fine jewelery hall. At least, I think that’s what it’s called. Where Tiffany and Cartier now are.

Macaroons are going for €1.40 a pieces and there are a multitude of different sized boxes you can buy. Great as a gift. (My birthday is in a couple of weeks — just in case)

I’m grasping at memories here but I seem to remember a box of 6 being in and around the €12.50 mark.

Lookalikes

Perusing the homepage of NME this morning I was struck by a new look Alex Turner from Arctic Monkeys. Fantastically coiffed and not looking like a complete chav anymore, we have Mr Alexa Chung perching on a wall of some sort and looking musical:

Looking slightly like a lost sparrow and slightly like the long lost member of the Bay City Rollers, he is composing such genius lines as You used to get it in your fishnets/ Now you only get it in your nightdress. (That’s not sarcasm — I think that’s a faboosh lyric)

I think it’s the hair and the bird like face that is making me place him in with Leslie, Derek and the others.

Amazingly, I seem to have stumbled upon the one photo of the Bay City Rollers in existence, without any tartan.

But, can’t you see young Alex there – pumping his fist in the air, imploring you to Shang-a-lang (whatever that might mean).

Stay tuned and I shall perhaps bring you some more lookalikes, that only really make sense to my mind.

Also, this makes me really want to see an at home spread “OK” stylee with Alex and Alexa – only because they have the same names and I sort of have a girl crush on the female against my better judgement.

Pictures shamelessly ganked from NME.com and Google

I’ve got a date with the nines

I’m off to Oxegen for the day on Saturday July 11th. Why only a day? I have had my fill of skanky, rainy campsites and until I can afford the little hobbit houses, I’ll be limiting my time spent in Punchestown.

The line-up for Saturday is immense but I am severely lacking in knowledge about the bands playing that day.

The line-up can be found at Oxegen’s Fantastically Up to Date and User Friendly Website (wait, what?) and I will also post it here. I’m good at referencing things like that.

Kings of Leon, Pet Shop Boys, Bloc Party, Elbow, Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds, Doves, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, TV on the Radio, Pete Doherty, The Mars Volta, The Game, The Saturdays, Squeeze, Hockey, Tiga, Digitalism, Gary Go, James Morrison, Regina Spektor, Maximo Park, Crystal Castles, The Blizzards

A veritable mish-mash of popular music. And that’s just the start. It will probably be double that amount in ten weeks time.

The main band I’m going to see is Kings of Leon – my favourite group of instrument playing Americans. I’ve only seen them once – in 2003, while heavily under the influence of some cheap supermarket vodka – so I can’t quite remember what they were like. Hairy. They were hairy and young. And now my love for them is burning bright in my soul and I must see them at (P)Oxegen.

But who else to see? Who should I trek across the mud for, or should I hang in the pit at the main stage and guard my front row place from other fans?

I’ve just bought the two Yeah Yeah Yeahs records. Loving the first one, which is bringing me back to my student days. Their new record, It’s Blitz, seems to be quite the jewel too. I haven’t listened to that much yet, but we do have ten weeks for me to learn all the words to the songs.

As evidenced by the above video and this post’s title, I do not know the words to their songs just yet.

James Morrison is quite MOR but he would do for a nice chill out on the grass mid-evening. That is if he’s playing mid-evening, near the grass. The Saturdays seem slightly out of place on this line-up. I wonder if they’ll be bottled? I’ve always wanted to see a band be bottled at a festival.

Regina Spektor – amazing. Will definitely be trying to catch a bit of her show. I do wish the Oxegen people would release a timetable of who’s playing where and when. I need to plan my day with military precision. My day and my outfit. Both will be organised to the nth degree.

Let me know if there’s someone else on this list I should definitely check out.

Wellie hunting, off I go.